Positive Parenting

I wanted to follow up my H&H assigned topic about raising daughters- see mine here, by writing a little more about my parenting styles. I would say in the 10 years I've been a parent we have tried many styles of parenting. Tried and abandoned many styles of discipline that was really only punishment. Tried to follow the "experts" regarding "training" a child, then found peace in attachment parenting. I don't have it all figured out; this is just where I am now. At times feel successful as a parent and other times feel like I fail. Sometimes it is a daily battle. Just this morning, all the kids were trying to talk to me at once. My husband's out of town, we had to be somewhere this morning, the baby was crying and ready to be nursed and my sweet little newly three-year-old tried to tell me something and I responded in a raised voice, "Not now!" Her little face fell, she was crushed. She looked at me and said, "I just wanted to tell you something, Mommy." It reminded me of this blog post I wanted to write. It also reminded me of the parent I strive to be and that I'm human and make mistakes. It reminded me to keep trying.

The biggest influences in my parenting style right now are Attachment parenting and Positive parenting.

Attachment parenting is the 7 Baby B's. Here's a link to them, but briefly I'll just list them:
"Birth Bonding, Breastfeeding, Babywearing, Bedding close to baby, Belief in the language value of your baby's cry, Beware of baby trainers, and Balance."

In 10 years, I've learned something. All of these make baby and I happy. With my baby, we do all 7. Perhaps, I am a little lax in the last one. It's hard to have "me" time with 5 kids, lol! With my first, we almost did NONE of them. I only breastfed her for 5 months as I lacked confidence I could work and still nurse and didn't realize I could have done both formula and the breast (but that's another post for another time), we put her in her crib in her own room the first night home from the hospital, and listened to the idiot "experts" about scheduled feedings and sleep-training. I mean, seriously? I was raising a child, not a puppy. What peace I have found with attachment style parenting. My baby nurses when she's hungry. It isn't rocket science. If I'm hungry I go get a snack, not wait until the clock is on the hour to allow one. Babies cry to communicate. If they cry, they need something. You can't spoil a baby. I wish someone had told me these things that seem like common sense now. It's hard when there are "experts" out there each pushing their own style and beliefs, to know what is right.

Positive parenting is actually a real style, here's a couple links about it:
http://www.positive-parents.org/2011/06/positive-parenting-what-why-how_15.html
http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/positive-discipline

The quote at the top of the second link is:

       I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It's my daily mood that makes the weather. As a parent or teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized.”  -- Dr. Haim Ginott

I just love that quote. As a homeschooler, I am BOTH parent and teacher. On an epic fail day last year, Grace and I were both driving each other bonkers and eventually yelling at each other because of her math. When I was upset and told him about it later, Brian called me on it. He reminded me of a couple teachers at her old school who lowered Grace's self-esteem. I had been no better than them that day. I let my stress and pregnancy tiredness affect her and how she felt about learning that day. I am both her mom and her teacher and I want to build her up, not break her down. I have been very intrigued with positive parenting ever since and started a pinterest board on it. Some are the actual Dr. Laura things, but most are things I have seen and pinned that remind me why positive parenting is so important such as these pictures:
 

The final thing I wanted to write about regarding my parenting style was two quotes I saw floating around Facebook a few months ago. I saved both the pictures knowing I wanted to write about them. They are drastically different. The first one makes me sad and the second one reaffirms how I am trying to parent.

VS.

I just saw on Facebook tonight a YouTube video from a couple years ago, perhaps you remember it? It was the boy in middle school holding index cards instead of speaking. However, his tears 'spoke' plenty. He was scared to go back to school because he was bullied. He had cut himself and considered suicide. My heart broke watching it. I will continue to teach my children how to treat EVERYONE with respect, love and justice. I want my children to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. I never want them to just "cope" with an injustice and I pray that they also desire to make a difference, big or small, "to make the world a little less cruel and heartless." As the positive parenting quote above said, "I make the weather" and will be trying my best for sunshine and rainbows.